The value of sex

The value of sex

dorothyIt seems everyone is obsessed with sex, who’s having with who and how and who’s not. You see sex in movies and ads, read about it in books, hear people talking about it, and even see references to it or getting it in cartoons. Everywhere you go there’s most likely something about sex. So, what’s the problem it’s just sex and it’s perfectly natural right? Right, but just because something is natural doesn’t mean it can’t be harmful.
Sex can be many things; it can be a beautiful, deep, and meaningful expression of love between people or it can be a fun way to indulge in physical pleasures. It can also be a way of using or manipulating people, sex can be very harmful just as easily as it can be very wonderful. It is something that should be taken seriously for that reason.
Judgment does not belong in sex but healthy choices, respect, and consideration do. There are many ways to enjoy sex and not everyone enjoys it in the same way. This isn’t cause for offense or disgust; no one has to do anything they don’t want to. That’s part of respect, respect others choices to participate or not. There’s no need to humiliate others because of their own natural desires. Some sexual urges may come from deep rooted issues and others are simply natural urges but all of these have their place and can be better sated when understood.
That being said we move on to consideration and the important part it plays in sex. One must be considerate of the other person or persons state of mind when engaging in sex. Taking advantage of someone in a moment of weakness can do serious harm to that person and leave them feeling used, worthless, betrayed, and many other things.
Of course most of us know that it is not ok to have sex with someone while they’re severely intoxicated but I would personally go as far as to not have sex with anyone who has partaken of any drugs (alcohol is a drug) unless they had planned and discussed having sex before doing so.
Another step would be to take into mind whether or not that person is emotionally vulnerable like right after a break-up, having sex with someone who is emotionally vulnerable even if they come on to you is taking advantage of them.
Then there’s someone who is physically vulnerable, meaning someone who is feeling intense sexual desire due to abstaining from sex for so long or being exposed to many sexual situations and are in a state where they are no longer thinking clearly. In these increased sexualized states a person would have sex with almost anyone. This one is a bit difficult though and really not something one could easily determine unless they knew the person but to have sex with someone who you knew was having a desperate moment is also taking advantage of them.
There is also the issue of having sex with someone who is involved in a committed relationship with another, this is not really your issue but it’s not behavior I would suggest getting involved with. So of course it is also not right to cheat on someone, then you are wasting their time (which is limited on this earth) and that’s not being respectful or considerate. You are either being manipulative; taking advantage, or using the person you are committed to when you cheat. That is unless the person you are committed to is cheating as well or is abusive or distant, in which case this is an unhealthy relationship and you’re both damaging each other and yourselves by remaining into it.
And so we’re led to making healthy choices in regards to sex. It is important to respect yourself and the person or people you’re involved with, being involved in something that is damaging to you or others is not a healthy choice. This includes abusive relationships, relationships that lack your basic needs and fail to meet important desires, having unprotected sex with multiple partners, risky sexual encounters with strangers, etc… So be safe and wear male/female condoms and/or use birth control,  know your partners sexual health, make good decisions in regards to your own well being and others, and just remember to keep the state of everyone (including you) in mind.
Now on to appropriate and healthy sexual encounters and relationships, it’s appropriate to have sex when it’s between people who are able to give consent and in a sound state of mind. The number, color, age, (as long as it is over the age of consent) of the people involved is not an issue. Sex can be fun and affectionate; it can be shared with friends or with a partner or partners. It’s ok to have sex as many times as you like with as many people as you like as long as it is safe and consensual. Sex is a beautiful thing and it’s nice to share something so wonderful with others, there is no shame in that.
 
It is also nice to wait and share it only with someone extremely special to you; there is no shame in being a virgin either or waiting for love. It’s a fantastic feeling when you’ve waited and you get to share those first sexual experiences with someone you love dearly who loves you as well. When you wait and make sure you want it and that there will be no regrets you are displaying an extraordinary and admirable amount of self-control and knowledge of who you are and what you want.
Everyone is different so it’s important to know yourself and what’s best for you. You may enjoy experiencing sex with many different people and that doesn’t make you a slut. Slut is a silly word and most people have different or vague definitions of it but none of them matter. Sex is natural and it’s ok to share it with as many people as you like, do not let anyone try to shame you for that. People often become fearful or angry with things they don’t understand or things that remind them of inadequacies or fears of their own.
In the same way you are not a prude if you wish to abstain from sex until you meet a special someone or even if you decide to never engage in it at all. Sex requires a personal choice and that is your choice to make and no one else’s, so don’t let anyone else weigh in on what’s best for you. They don’t know you because they are not you, so it’s not their place to say.
No one has a right to tell you what types of sex are ok either as long as it’s consensual. BDSM, homosexual, heterosexual, masturbation, it’s all fine as long as it’s what’s right for you. You could even engage in sex with your property even though you can’t gain consent from a blow-up doll or your pillow, they still belong to you and it is your right to do so. (When obtaining sexual pleasure from objects though make sure to do so safely, make sure they’re clean and will not cause excess or dangerous bodily harm) People do not belong to other people though and while we may keep other living things (pets/animals) and under law in many states they are considered property that doesn’t mean they are and it is not ok to engage in non-consensual sex. I don’t really think that should need saying but it’s best to cover our bases.
So when does sex become an obsession? Say you’re supposedly looking for a serious loving relationship but one of the first things you say is that you don’t want someone who’s not experienced and you don’t want to play teacher. This is virgin-shaming and shows a lack of caring about whom that person is with a focus on sex, it’s objectifying. The same thing goes for someone who doesn’t want someone who’s not a virgin or who has had lots of partners, you’re focus isn’t on finding a person to love but focuses on a person’s sexual history instead. Judging someone by how many partners they have had is ridiculous and slut-shaming. To judge whether or not you could love someone by how few or many sexual partners they have had is asinine, it doesn’t affect who they are or their ability to have an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Sex can be learned and those who already learned just have a few more tricks to share.
This is also confusing sex and love which are two very different things, if the quality of sex affects whether or not you love a person then you never loved them in the first place. When you love someone just laying next to them is better and more intense than any sort of sexual gratification you could get from someone you don’t. Love is also willing to help one another grow and an enthusiastic willingness to do that together. It’s not about getting off how many ever times or focusing on our own desires but instead it’s about fulfilling each other’s. Most people think love is synonymous with sex but it isn’t, you don’t need one to have the other. You can have love without sex and you can have sex without love, then you can even have both or neither at all.
Sex is more often used to fulfill one’s own desires than it is to express love; it’s used like a drug. People have sex to feel important, needed/wanted, to feel good, to help them sleep, to obtain valuables, for approval, etc… This shows how obsessed people have become with sex and placing so much importance on something that’s just not. Expression is important, sex as a means of expression is important. Sex just for some trivial reason or fun is not, it’s just some other way to pass the time and forget about other things. Sex can be used to bring people together and connect with one another but more often it seems like just a commodity or a means of dividing one another.
Mind you that sex for fun isn’t wrong but it’s not worth paying for and it’s not something you need or that increases or takes away from your own value, it’s just sex.
You all have to decide for yourselves what value you place on sex regardless of what kind it is or for what reasons, decide what it’s really worth to you in whichever form. Just remember that it can be a positive or a negative thing depending on how you decide to view it and what you deem it to be worth.

Author: Dorothy Jane